In Search of an Authentic Life

I’ve been going through a weird parallel universe thing where my internal life and external situation have been mimicking each other. A great example is this horrendous move. For 5 years we stayed in the same place. Partly because it was comfortable and safe and partly because the thought of moving and packing 5 years of our stuff made my skin crawl.

But then suddenly safe and comfy didn’t feel so comfortable anymore. We’d outgrown our tiny apartment. And picking up and starting over seemed less scary than it did before.

I expected it to be hard but, what I didn’t expect was HOW hard it would be! This move was probably the hardest I’ve ever had to go through. It seemed like I was uncovering every dark disgusting creature inhabiting hell. Suddenly, slugs, pincher bugs and spiders were coming out from every nook and cranny of our now empty apartment.

I spent 5 hours, which felt more like 5 years, vacuuming, spraying and scrubbing every dusty, musty corner I could find. I realized I had been living in filth without realizing it.

How did I not get smothered in dust when the air vent above us was caked in thick layers of the stuff?

We never had it cleaned once-once in 5 years!

My husband helped me make the connection when I asked him why we had to go through all of that stress especially since we moved a mere 5 minutes away from our old place.

He said, “Maybe we were living in denial for all those years and suddenly we’re seeing things for what they really are.”

His matter-of-fact tone in saying something so profound is what I love about him most.

I suddenly realized that all the crap I discovered while cleaning our old place was kind of like the crap I was denying in other areas of my life. Suddenly, I was uncovering it and it wasn’t a pretty sight. There were bugs crawling and dust piling up on areas in my life that desperately needed my attention.

While I’m glad for the awakening, I’m ecstatic that we finally finished the move. And in my new place (both internally and externally), I feel like I can finally start living a more authentic life, the kind of life I was supposed to be living-dust and bug free.

Ode to Meeko

When I saw Marley & Me the movie, I cried so hard in the theatre that I feared people would think I was crazy.  The story reminded me of my own Marley-a 14 year old black and white sheltie Meeko.  Crazy, rambunctious, and yet loving as hell.

It wasn’t love at first sight when I saw her though.  She was bald and pink when I met her.  Kind of like a rat.  And even weeks later when we brought her home, a tiny ball of fur, black button eyes with a tinge of blue, we weren’t all taken with her.  For one thing, we never had a dog before.  My mom only allowed me to have one because I had asked Santa for one every year since I was 7 years old.  She even warned me, “Don’t think I’m going to take care of it.  It’s your dog!”

I even questioned how much I really wanted a dog after taking care of her for a few months.  She was loud, barked at and bit everything and would cry all night unless I lay down next to her holding her paw.

We had her for a year and she still drove us up the wall.  By that time, my mom warned me she would take her to the pound or return her to its original owners.  We didn’t know what to do with this wild, hyper dog and she didn’t know what to do with us either.

My mom even tried to take her to puppy training class only to be told that Meeko was “too wild” for even the beginners.  She nearly gave me a heart attack once when she saw another dog and ran so fast her collar slipped off her neck and almost ran right into the road.  Meeko also ran around in circles and barked loudly whenever someone would leave so we would have to spell out words like, “I-M G-O-I-N-G” so she wouldn’t get upset.

Oh and the walls!  She bit her way through our walls and made deep holes in them.  In later years, she would dig through garbage, suitcases, bags and anything that could possibly hold a treat.  I had to stop bringing home chocolate for fear she would eat them all and get sick.

Yet, with all of her craziness, I fell in love.  When she was about the size of my head, Meeko would curl up on top of it at night while I was sleeping.  I think she did it to feel the cool breeze coming from my window.  I loved it even when she slipped once and scratched my eyelid the night before my high school class pictures would be taken.  Or the time when I woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and when I returned to my dark bedroom freaked out when I felt something furry next to me.

Surprisingly after some time, my mom and her boyfriend Ray fell in love.  My mom has thanked me on several occasions for bringing Meeko into her life.  She said, “Meeko has opened my heart to loving again.”

It’s kind of funny how this 25-pound rascal of dog came in to our lives and rescued us.  It’s just how she loved us every day unconditionally.  How she would run up to the window when she heard our car come home, or run up to you to give you a hug, tail wagging.  How she would sigh in annoyance when I would pick her up or sit right in front of the TV so you’d pay attention to her.

Funny how a stinky little dog can capture your heart like that.  She brought us 14 years of joy, craziness and above all, she taught us love.  I’d say that was a big feat for a small dog.

Meeko

1995-2010

Inspiring Websites

These cold, winter days and heart-wrenching world news sometimes takes a toll, making faith and hope seem unattainable and impossible. Even as a writer writing this blog, I go through periods of self-doubt and uncertainty. That’s why finding inspirational websites and books are SO important to me! Here is my list of inspiring websites that make me ponder, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

1. Beliefnet. The website that infuses religion and spirituality beautifully displays inspiring slideshows with quotes and articles that has a way of lifting my spirits and making me smile. Then, they came up with The Inspiration Report – a blog that does what I try to do here, inspire hope and optimism through uplifting stories. Read it and you’ll start craving a daily dose of good news.
2. Tonic. The website that gives back. Inspiring articles and sustainable products make this one of my favorite sites to hang out in and one I wouldn’t mind writing for!
3. Guideposts.  Similar to Beliefnet, Guideposts provides more inspiration and less religion. It provides a wealth of information and articles on everything from dealing with pet loss to tear jerking true stories.

What about you? Any site that you visit for your daily dose of inspiration? If so, share the love here.

What are your dreams telling you?

I awoke from another symbolic dream a few days ago. I was fleeing from fear. A fear with no shape, no specific face or form. It was a compilation of every man’s fear-snakes, gun shots, and dark shadows. A long corridor led me to a door. I ran with heart pounding, beads of sweat racing down my face and an intensity so strong that I felt it in my every being.

The door was a way out. I opened it and slammed it quickly. Although I could still hear the sounds of fear getting close, I suddenly felt safe. I took a brief look around the room to get some bearing of where I was.

It was a cluttered space filled to the brim with everything you could need to survive-a bed, shelves, TV, clothes, etc. I felt warm and comfortable there but it was also stifling. There were just two windows which were frosted so I couldn’t see out of them. I felt claustrophobic and had an immediate urge to leave so I opened the door. As soon as I did, I saw fear lurking in the hallways and the sound of it took my breath away. I closed the door again and woke up panting.

It took me a few minutes in this waking world to feel safe again. And another few to decipher this nightmare of a dream.

I realized that the room was my comfort zone. It was safe. It had everything I needed to survive. It was devoid of fear and it was comfortable there. But there was no room to breathe. I knew the instant that I fled to it that it was safe to stay where I was, but in order to grow and be free, I needed to step outside my comfort zone and face my fears.

The message? My dreams were telling me, “Wake up and get moving! The world is waiting for you to tackle those fears.”

I love how my dreams talk to me, reminding me that no matter how scary they are, choosing to face my fears rather than hide from them is integral to fully living life. In the end, I realized that I didn’t want to choose a safe, but stagnant life. I didn’t just want to survive. I wanted to thrive.

I think we all have dreams (awake and asleep) that define our destinies. What’s key is setting an intention to remember them and prepare for it by keeping a journal nearby. I think that if you’re open to it, your dreams will be the bridge connecting you to the life you’ve been dreaming of, the authentic life you’ve been searching for.

Book Review: Steering By Starlight

In my last book review, I was disappointed by the book’s inability to cause a change in my husband and I. Well, I won’t be saying that about this one. Not since The Power of Now has a book stirred me up so much. A definite life shifter, Steering by Starlight is the kind of read that makes you want to live better and believe that a better life (a more magical, mystical and miracle-laden one) is possible.

This is one of the books I call my “turtle reader” because it’s among my stash that I read super slowly. It’s my wine and chocolate read. This is the kind of book that should be savored, absorbed and appreciated. Frankly, I couldn’t get enough of it and was sad when it came to an end.

Why?

• I’m a big fan of Martha Beck. But I have to say this is one of my favorite books by far. Written in Beck’s light, humorous style (comparing lizards to our minds and Harry Potter’s dark arts to toxic people), she provides easily digestible info on life’s most painful parts. This book didn’t fail to deliver on fun or insight.
• Beck sheds light on everything from dream analysis to dealing with toxic people. I’m so glad I bought this book and not borrowed it because I know that it’s going to be something I can turn to again and again.
• Powerful exercises. Every self-help book has exercises for you to do. Normally I wince when I see them and don’t get much out of it, but in Steering by Starlight, I was first surprised by how fun they were and then by how powerful it turned out to be. One of my favorite exercises was thinking about a positive thing in my life now and going backwards from end to beginning. I realized that a lot of so-called negative events were actually necessary and in the end brought something positive in my life.
• Beck’s books are influential because they show rather than tell you how to change your life. Reading about her life story and seeing both difficult life challenges and its positive outcomes were inspirational. She spreads optimism and hope by demonstrating what is possible.

Why not?

• It’s difficult to find a con about this book. I think if anything, I wish it were longer.

My last words:

If you’re struggling to find your purpose, feeling stuck and need a change, I definitely recommend this book! Since I’ve picked it up, I’ve been experiencing small miracles every day. My only regret is that I’ve already read it and have finished most of her books. Martha puh-leaze write more books!

Book Review: Don’t Waste Your Talent

Several months ago, I received a book from Highlands Company, a publisher who created Don’t Waste Your Talent. I’m happy to say my husband and I FINALLY finished the book, and it was well worth the wait. Here are my list of pros and cons of Don’t Waste Your Talent: The 8 Critical Steps to Discovering What You Do Best. You might want to add it to your library of inspirational reads!

Summary: Bob McDonald and Don E. Hutcheson created a book perfect for the career seeker. If you feel like you are going through a mid-life, quarter-life crisis, or just feel like you need a change, Don’t Waste Your Talent can help you delve deep into what may be missing in your life. Their stance is that most people in society are in a fog, living the life they think they are supposed to be living versus their authentic life. They call it this the Lemming Conspiracy: based on artic animals who jump off a cliff (literally) together without knowing why they do so. People buy into systems like career and family and spend most of their lives working weekends and weeknights to get promoted and make money but feel empty because it is not aligned with their true purpose. The book is based on McDonald and Hutcheson’s program for corporations and there are samples in the book from those who went through this program.

Pros: This book may open your eyes to what is missing in your life. There are end of the chapter questions that called, “Thought Experiments,” such as personality quizzes and those that make you analyze various turning points in your life (e.g. determining your major crisis at age 18 and how you dealt with it).

I think the jewel of this book was its thought provoking questions. Questions that make you dig deep into your psyche and that require you to research your family background to discover where you came from. It wakes you up from mindless work and living unconsciously to realizing that there is hope and possibility in every situation no matter how hopeless it may seem.

One of my favorite parts of the book was the guided imagery section. What surprised me was the fact that it was a research based book and was very left-brained oriented, yet creativity was also mentioned as important in determining your “personal vision”. Through one of the exercises I discovered that peace, solitude and creativity were important to me. And in another, one which asked us to envision our lives as a millionaire, I learned that money did not equal happiness. But that learning to be at peace with myself and loving others were the most important aspects of my life.

It also gave great insight into what your values are and how much time and energy you focus on them on a day to day basis. I also thought spending the time to talk to family members about their career history could potentially be helpful to you not only professionally but personally as well.

Cons: One thing my husband didn’t like was that he felt the authors pushed their company and services too much. That and the fact that there were visible spelling errors and weird spaces between words kind of bugged me too. Aside from minor errors and subtle signs of sales-y talk, the one thing that was disappointing was that at the end of the book, my husband and I didn’t change too much. To be fair, we also didn’t do all of the exercises. I do think to get the most out of the book one needs to devote time to the exercises.

What’s my overall opinion?

I’d say buy the book. But don’t expect it to change your life in an instant. If you’re looking for a resource to help you discover different parts of yourself and to find out more about who you are and bits and pieces of who you want to be, then give it a try. My husband and I both got valuable insight into our authentic selves.

So my final words: Don’t Waste Your Talent? You won’t waste your time reading it!

A Shift in Perspective Can Mean More Than a Better Attitude But a Chance for a New Outcome

For the past week I’ve been fighting a cold. I say fighting because not only was my body fighting germs, but I was fighting with myself (Do nothing and feel guilty vs. Do something and stay sick longer).

In the end, I fought the urge to be productive and succumbed to the highly seductive task of sleeping in, not exercising and reading.

What did I learn?

It was a lot harder to do nothing than it would have been if I had gone to zumba for an hour every day like I normally would. And in the end, I did do a few crafts and exercise a few days last week.

But what I learned was that the most difficult part was shifting my perspective from, “If I don’t do anything, my world will come crumbling down” to trusting that everything was already working fine without me and would continue to do so whether I was working or sleeping.

Instead of working half-butt on my biz with minimal energy, I focused inward on the self-doubt and anxiety that started to arise when I was doing nothing. I meditated, read Martha Beck and stared off in space a lot.

And somewhere in between, I had a sudden feeling of peace and assurance that my business wouldn’t fail if I took a break. That what was lacking in my job search and query writing was faith. I needed to learn how to trust that everything would work out in the end. And that I could really only do so much.

If I was going to get the clients I wanted to work with and the jobs that inspired me, I realized that I needed to start with a relaxed state of mind. Desperation, anxiety and fear were only going to attract negative energy and situations to me. I know because it already had, in the past.

And you know what?

A week has passed. I am no longer sick. I am well-rested, refreshed, optimistic and have a whole slew of potential clients just from this past week.

The best part? I don’t have to worry anymore. Because when I wasn’t looking, the world kept turning and going along just fine, without me.

Jealousy’s Not Such a Monster After All

My ego went a bit crazy today when I wasn’t looking. A friend’s good news sent me in a downward spiral of self-doubt and anguish.

This unnerving reaction of why not me instead of good, happy feelings for them was a good wake up call. I quickly realized this had nothing to do with my friend, their dreams or my failures and everything to do with my own self-acceptance of an unconventional dream.

Then I started thinking:

Should we feel less than if are dreams and goals fit into a different mold from society’s expectations?

That is, if we’re not married by 28, with kids by 30 and at the top of our career at 35, does that somehow make our lives less meaningful than the every man?

I don’t think so. But it took a good dose of talking to my ego to realize something greater was going on. As Martha Beck says in Steering by Starlight,”When something ‘terrible’ is happening to us (from a ’shallows’ perspective) something wonderful is always being born from the Stargazer’s perspective.”

I think the incident reminded me of the importance of staying true to myself and my life instead of jumping on the bandwagon with only a linear goal. Life is full of possibilities. I don’t need to limit my choices to a A + B = C formula. Unless, of course, I wanted to.

Think of it this way. What would our world be like minus world shifters like Oprah and Walt Disney? Every being’s purpose is different. Some grander than others. I know that I can’t live an authentic life by living small or living the life my family, friends, or society want for me. Big or small, one thing I’ve learned is that living a safe, unconventional life doesn’t serve any of us, least of all the world.

Do You Believe In Magic?

[Disclaimer: If you've got kids in the room, it may be a good idea to read this later.]

Do you remember when Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were as real and good as ice-cream? When there was the feeling that anything was possible? When imagination and magic were every bit as real as anything we learned in school.

I have fond memories of those days. Even if one of my aunts did ruin it for me when she let me in on the truth about S.C. It’s why I answered, “Cause it’s magical,” when my cousin asked, “Why do you like Disneyland SO much?!”

What happened to the magic?

Does it still exist today and every day?

Cynics would say no. And I’d have to say so would most people. As we grow out of childhood, we begin to lose that whimsical cloud of possibility and instead grasp on to what we believe is real.

But who are we to know what’s really real?

A few weeks ago, after I wrote this post, I sent an email out to an old friend wishing her the best, hearing that she recently got married. I hadn’t spoken to her in years. Although I didn’t receive any response and did not expect any, I got a weird, random answering machine message that day.

It was a message with one of those mechanical voices. It said, “I’m sorry…” Now I’m 100% positive that it wasn’t from her but it was the apology I needed and the universe, I believe, somehow sent it to me.

Another incident happened recently that made me rethink the possibility of magic in every day life.

My husband and I have been thinking of moving. There was a certain apartment we had in mind. It was bigger than our place now and a little less expensive. The huge plus was that it had a den-the perfect place to work on my freelance writing business.

I was so excited that I started visualizing what the place would look like after we moved in. I envisioned sitting at my desk, looking out the window and imagining all the exciting new opportunities and experiences we’d have there.

You can imagine my disappointment when the apartment manager told me that the place was no longer available. Another renter beat us to the punch, securing the apartment with a deposit. Upon inquiry, I learned that the guy was debating between a 1 and 2 bedroom apartment.

At that point, I was pretty upset. My husband started to focus on other apartments. But I wasn’t ready to give up just yet.

I started imagining my own reality (albeit a seemingly delusional one). In my fantasy, I envisioned that the other guy decided the 2 bedroom was better for him, which resulted in him canceling the hold on the 1 bedroom apartment. Lastly, I imagined that the apartment managers would reduce the rent price. I painted a pretty highly unlikely situation. One, in which, my husband reacted by giving me a sad, goofy look. I could easily imagine him thinking, “My poor delusional wife.”

Yet, you won’t believe what happened next!

A few days later, the apartment management contacted me. The guy canceled the hold on the apartment, got the 2 bedroom place instead AND they reduced the price!

I was thrilled. Magic, schmagic! Uh-uh. This dream actually came true.

My dear husband’s response?

“How’d you do that?!”

Okay I know I’m no Nostradamus and what happened can hardly be called a miracle. Or could it? I think tiny miracles may be occurring every day. We just have to take the time and notice.

It’s funny what a little hope and faith can do…

How about you? Any stories of every day magic you’ve experienced lately? Please share them here!

Life Tasks to Uncover Your Dreams

It’s 2010. Do you know where your dreams are?

As for me, I’ve been stumbling. Faltering like the imperfect soul I am to find peace, inspiration and follow my dreams. In one year, what have I learned?

It takes real work to get to your dreams.

It takes physical work.

The kind that uses your muscles and sweat to get rid of old things. Decluttering. Finally saying sayonara to old letters, sweaters you bought a year ago and never used. Books you tried to finish but could never get past those first few pages. Oh and maybe a bit of exercising too! I spent a few years taking zumba and have literally felt the stress sweat out of me.

It takes mental work too.

Finding happiness and searching for your purpose involves a lot of painful mental work. Digging into the hard stuff like uncovering your greatest flaws, admitting to mistakes and accepting yourself in the process are utterly exhausting. So if you’ve already begun the process, you deserve a medal, or a spa day or a giant cookie. You do. You really do!

It takes seeing outside of the box.

Sometimes on our life paths, we fail to see outside the lines. Why do so when it’s so safe and comfy here? Well for one, life is so much more magical when we open ourselves up to possibilities instead of limitations. What I learned last year was that I could give up the expectation that I had to have a full-time corporate job in order to make a living. Just what if I could do something I truly loved and make money from it? While I’ve also learned that it ain’t easy, I’ve also discovered it’s very possible.

It takes courage.

Oh there are so many reasons not to follow your dreams! There’s money, fear of the unknown, self-doubt, economy, etc. I could go on and on. But you only really need one reason to keep going-fulfillment. I like to think of it as feeling fully filled in love, passion and inspiration. When every ounce of your being is saying, “Yes! This feels right!”

It takes some risk-taking!

You could be happy living a safe life, but happiness is fleeting. A life fulfilled that challenges us to live our highest potential, well that’s a life filled with miracles, magic and authentic living. But it involves lots of risk-taking. I love reading about Walt Disney and how he risked everything to follow his dreams. He didn’t have enough money for food or shelter and yet he gave everything he had to make his passion a reality. Some probably called him crazy. But they would later call him genius.

It takes letting go.

Part of the process is learning how to let go. Letting go of who you were (2009 schmuck) to enable you to be the person you were destined to be (2010 star!). Learn how to let go of relationships, jobs and even environments that are toxic and you’ll be leaving room for the positive, happy you you’ve been waiting for.

What about you?

What things did you discover about yourself this year? Has it helped you get closer to your dreams? Please share!